Snooker is majestic. Each and every professional player is blessed with a certain dignity and grace that other sportspeople, apart from maybe ice skaters, can't muster. Silence is demanded whilst players tinker with the balls on the table, waistcoats must be worn and respect paid to umpires and traditions. You couldn't tell one to "f*** off", anyway. Well you could try. But the snooker God would kill you.
1/ Ronnie O’Sullivan
Undoubtedly the most exciting thing about snooker (to some, the only exciting thing). He's a dangerous mix of tortured genius and manic depressive who is equally likely to ask the population of China to give him a nosh as he is to play the best snooker anyone’s ever seen or walk out of a match saying he never wants to play ever again. Hated by purists, loved by casual snooker watchers, he's as rock ‘n’ roll as any snooker player could be without being banned from the game completely. His Dad’s in jail for murdering Charlie Kray’s bodyguard.
2/ Nicknames
Throughout snooker's history, there’ve been some stompers. It rivals darts, in every sense. Observe: Alex “The Hurricane” Higgins. Ding “Enter The Dragon” Junhui. Andy “The Toast of Tavistock” Hicks. Jimmy “The Whirlwind” White. Joe “The Gentleman” Perry. John “Wizard of Wishaw” Higgins. John “King of the Baize” Rea. Ken “Scarface” Doherty. Ray “Dracula” Reardon. Peter “Psycho” Ebdon. Stephen “On Fire” Maguire. Steve “Interesting” Davis. Marco “Hong Kong Fuey” Fu. Nuff said..
3/ The Commentators
More than any other sport, the commentators are crucial in your understanding of what the bloody hell is going on. Try and pick out “frame ball”, spot some “checked side” or call a shot that was “made to look easy” without Willy Thorne, Dennis Taylor, Clive Everton or John Virgo. It's literally impossible. Unless you're an ex-pro, they’re things you cannot know. Which only adds to the joy.
4/ Full size snooker tables are incredible things to have in your house
No one has ever told anyone they own a full-size snooker and not been met with a “really? Wow!”. For one, they’re enormous. They look much bigger in real life than they do on tele. For two, they’re incredibly useful for other stuff. Stuff like sex. Nothing is cooler than having sex on a snooker table. It makes having sex on a pool table look like something that people did before they discovered having sex on a snooker table. For three, you only realise how hard snooker actually is, once you play on a full-size table. Harder than basket weaving, is the answer.