Alan Shearer Really Hates Your Coloured Boots

And what’s more, the goal-scoring hero turned no-nonsense pundit says he’s no legend. FHM disagrees…

Alan Shearer is pissed off. Really pissed off. His already-thick Geordie accent thickens and his voice rises in pitch.

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“Coloured boots? Coloured boots? I’ve just seen Yaya Touré play in one pink boot and one baby blue boot. What the fuck is that about? What happened to good old-fashioned black boots like in my day? Call me an oldie, but football’s changed.”

He is, of course, referring to Puma’s magenta and cyan Tricks range that adorned the feet of a host of players – from Sergio Agüero to Olivier Giroud – during the World Cup. And Alan’s having none of it. “Football has become too flashy – even the boots are designed to stand out,” he goes on. “Young footballers are paid too much too soon. That’s why we’re not producing enough good players in England. They’ve got no hunger, no desire; they just don’t want it enough.”

That’s the thing about Alan Shearer. As a pundit, he is the black boot personified – no frills, no nonsense and, above all, no grey areas. He tells it like he sees it, in black and white. “I’m paid to talk about football,” he says. “That’s what I do. If people don’t like it, they’re entitled to their opinions.”

And who can begrudge Alan for having his own views? You don’t get to have a career like his by keeping your mouth shut. And his is an incredible career – or, rather, string of careers. To be the Premier League’s greatest ever striker, captain of your national team, and top-flight manager, would be an extraordinary achievement in itself. But then to transfer from the pitch to the TV studio, to become Match of the Day’s pundit-in-chief – as he is about to do with the imminent retirement of Alan Hansen – is something that’s never been done. At 43, Shearer isn’t just a household name, he’s a national treasure – even if he doesn’t think so. “I’m no legend,” he says. “You have to win major international trophies to be a legend and I never did. Still, I’m pretty content with my 422 goals across all competitions.”

We hopped on a plane to Brazil to catch up with Alan where he’s analysing the action for the BBC. This month, he’ll ascend to Alan Hansen’s chrome-plated swivel-throne at the head of the Match of the Day coffee table. And it’s a very large bum-dent to fill; not least because this year marks 50 years since MOTD was born. With regular viewing figures in excess of four million, MOTD remains the most watched football programme in the country. Does he think he can fill that Hansen-shaped hole, leading the show into its next 50 years?

“I’ll miss Alan,” he says. “He’s been such an iconic figure for 22 years and a huge inspiration to me. But there is one thing I’ll be glad of when he’s gone: I’ll no longer have to be his tea boy.” Alan Shearer? A tea boy? “I’m always the one who makes the teas,” he chuckles. “From when we arrive on set at about 11am, he doesn’t do anything. He just sits on the sofa and that’s him for six or seven hours until we go on air, like the king of the castle. The only way to get him up is to come back from the kitchen with two empty mugs and pretend to trip over him. He’ll leap off that seat like a kangaroo.”

Luckily, Alan’s kitchen duties are coming to an end. With Hansen’s departure, and Shearer’s promotion, there’s a new tea boy in town. Enter walking shampoo-advert Robbie Savage. “Starting at MOTD is like doing work experience all over again,” Robbie later tells FHM. “When you’re the new one in, you make the teas. Those are the rules and I’ve had to accept it now that Alan [Shearer]’s number one. He’d just better not try to make me polish his earpieces for him, too. That’s a job no man should have to do.”

What’s Alan really like away from the cameras, then? “People watch him on the telly and often think he’s super serious but that’s just because he’s a professional,” says Robbie. “But when the cameras come off, Alan’s the one-liner king and can put you away in a sentence. His banter is great. There’s just one thing he’s got to learn: that he can’t carry on wearing tight shirts and trousers like a 30-year-old anymore. He’s got to grow old gracefully.”

Born a steelworker’s son in 1970, Shearer grew up just three miles from his beloved St James’ Park, in Gosforth, Newcastle. His career began at Southampton aged 15 where he scored a hat-trick on his debut. In 1992, he joined Blackburn Rovers for the birth of the Premier League. A bulldog in the box, he herded Rovers to Premier League victory in 1995, winning PFA Player of the Year in the process. But despite his success, the distant call from his boyhood heroes grew ever louder and, a year later, he answered it, joining Newcastle United for a world-record fee of £15million. There, he cemented his local legend status with 206 goals in 404 appearances. Meanwhile, he bagged 30 goals in 63 games for England, including five at Euro ’96 – and the Golden Boot.

We tracked down Alan’s old boss, Terry Venables, who managed that England team. “The term ‘legend’ is a bit overplayed, but I’ve got to say, Alan Shearer is more than that for me,” he says. “All sides of his game were complete: he was brave, he scored all types of goals, he was heading in goals from the back post and near post, could take a free kick from all angles, his power was huge.”

But it was not to last. By 1999, age finally began to bleed into his joints, forcing him to quit international duty and concentrate on the football that paid the bills. “I didn’t want to give it up but my body just wouldn’t allow me [to carry on],” he says, wistfully. “Yes, I was too young to be hanging up my boots – I was only 29-years-old. But I became unable to do both jobs to the level I expected of myself.” He played for seven more years at Newcastle before his advancing years finally caught up. He retired in 2006, aged 36.

With his popularity in Newcastle at fever pitch, a foray into management seemed inevitable. And, in 2009, he parachuted in as Newcastle’s interim manager for the last eight games of the 2008/9 season after boss Joe Kinnear suffered a heart attack. With the club two points in the relegation zone the team managed just one win, dumping out of the Premier League, a single point behind Hull. “If you had asked me when I was playing what I wanted to do after, I would have said management without a doubt,” he says. “But for whatever reason, it didn’t work out. I wouldn’t change anything that I did at Newcastle – if I was given a bit more time there then I’m pretty certain the result would have been different.” Would he ever consider having another go in the technical area if the option arose? “The longer you are out of football the more difficult it is to get back in,” he ponders. “I’m in no hurry to get back in to the managing game.”

There’s no question: choosing to take on a team in the throes of Premier League death was a brave move. It propelled Alan headlong into the eye of the scorn cyclone that engulfs every manager who marches their team out of the top tier (even Joe Kinnear branded him “a guy who doesn't have a clue about coaching”). But rather than fade into a life of long-walks and TV-dinners, he chose to become a pundit – a world where your every word is subject to forensic public scrutiny.

Surely the spume of venom unleashed in his direction for appearing too wooden on MOTD must have hurt? “It was hard at first,” he says. “But I understand how they felt. For one thing, it’s far more nerve-racking going on a live television show than walking out to 60,000 football fans. You can make a mistake on a football pitch – not on live television. More than that, when you’ve just come away from playing you are reluctant to criticise people you’ve played and worked with but you quickly realise nobody wants to hear niceties all the time. You have to be prepared to put the boot in when it’s due. Otherwise what use are you as a pundit?”

So far, so football. But our time together is almost up, and we want to find out what a man whose every sinew screams football does when he’s not, well, doing football. One word: karaoke. “Oh I’m partial to a good old sing song when I go down the local,” he laughs. “My speciality is All Night Long by Lionel Richie.” In fact, don’t be surprised if you pop down the Diamond Inn, in Ponteland, Northumberland, on any given Friday night and spot Alan sipping an ale over a packet of honey-roast nuts at the bar. He’s been drinking there for most of his adult life. For the landlord – also his best mate – he’s just another regular. “Of course I still drink in the same boozer,” he says. “That’s my local pub. I’m not any different to anyone else who goes down the pub on a Saturday evening. It’s normal for me.”

He seems eager to draw our attention away from karaoke. This time, we’re having none of it. We ask which celebrity he’d most like to sing with, given the opportunity. “I don’t do duets,” he replies. “I always sing on my own.” If you don’t believe us, you only have to visit YouTube to find a slew of videos of Alan belting out classics such as Kings of Leon’s Sex On Fire and, naturally, All Night Long. There’s even a video – filmed by his own daughter – of Alan singing enthusiastically in the car to U2’s Elevation. “Oh, that,” he groans. “I didn’t even know she was doing it. It was only last year that she admitted she’d sent it to a friend who put it online. But I do like a bit of U2.” His voice is probably more Football’s Coming Home than Sweet Home Alabama but if there was a prize for gusto, Alan would be in with a shout.

When he’s not talking football or singing Lionel Richie, Alan can be found at home in his £3million mansion – barely 15 minutes drive from where he was born – relaxing with wife of 22 years Lainya or kicking a ball about in the garden with their 13-year-old son Will. His daughters, Chloe, 21, and Hollie, 19, have both left home for the lights and sounds of London. “I worry non-stop about my girls being in London.” he says. “I know they’re sensible, but I can’t help it – I’m their dad and I want to protect them.” How does he cope with boyfriends? He laughs: “I try to be intimidating, like I was as a player, but these kids are too young to remember me then, so they’re not scared of me at all.”

Talking to him, it becomes clear there is more to Alan than just a permanently furrowed brow and a tight shirt. For one thing, he can laugh at himself – an all too rare gift in today’s game. But amid the glitz and glamour of modern-day football, he’s the man who stands for everything we love about the sport. He still drinks in the same boozer, still has a season ticket for his boyhood club and seems still to have his head screwed on straight despite being the most successful English footballer of the modern era.

Our time is up. We ask for more but Alan says he’s got to go and watch a match. And it turns out the only thing that pisses him off more than coloured football boots is being late. “It’s rude and it should never happen,” he says. “You should be there early. To be on time is to be late and to be late is completely unacceptable. I don’t hang around – if you’re not there after five minutes then I’m off – unless there’s a good excuse. And getting stuck in traffic is not one of them.

“Also,” he adds, “I won’t make a cup of tea before the game.” Where’s Robbie Savage when you need him?

See Alan Shearer on Match of the Day, BBC One, throughout the Premier League season

Shearer’s greatest goals

• 03 Blackburn Rovers v Norwich City (3 October, 1992) “We were beating them at Ewood Park. I did a one-two on the half way line and chased the through ball to the edge of the area. The keeper came out and I then chipped it over him. I scored two that day. We beat them 7-1.”
• 02 Newcastle v Aston Villa (3 November, 2001) “Another volley. Some people still say it was a cross but it wasn’t. Rob Lee passed it over to me on the corner of the six-yard box and I looked up, saw nobody in the box so I just went for it. Peter Schmeichel’s face was priceless.”
• 01 Newcastle v Chelsea (25 April, 2004) “This was the most Hollywood goal I scored. It came to me from 25 yards out, I turned Marcel Desailly and leathered it. Seeing the ball move through the air with the keeper rooted to his spot was a wonderful feeling.”

Match Of The Day at 50

• 1964: MOTD airs for the first time on BBC2 with highlights of Liverpool v Arsenal at Anfield, attracting an estimated audience of 20,000.
• 1966: The show is moved into a peak-time slot on BBC1 following England's World Cup triumph.
• 1971: Slow motion replays are introduced for the first time. They prove that a West Bromwich Albion goal against table-toppers Leeds is, in fact, offside.
• 1972: New commentator John Motson becomes a fans’ favourite with his reaction to Ronnie Radford's winning goal for Hereford against Newcastle in an FA Cup third round replay.
• 1973: Jimmy Hill signs from ITV to host the programme and trims his trademark beard for the occasion. He is joined by the now-retired Arsenal goalkeeper Bob Wilson.
• 1983: Live League action hits the screens as the BBC and ITV sign a deal with the Football League to each screen seven live games during the season.
• 1992: The BBC enters into a partnership with Sky Sports to cover highlights from the newly formed FA Premier League. Alan Hansen joins the show.
• 1999: Gary Lineker becomes the show’s new host after Des Lynam defects to ITV.
• 2004: MOTD returns to the BBC for the new season, as part of a new football package.
• 2006: Alan Shearer becomes a regular pundit on the MOTD panel.
• 2014: Alan Hansen announces his retirement from MOTD after 22 years. Shearer becomes lead pundit.

From the September 2014 issue of FHM India.