Be an intergalactic traveller

Exhausted all terrestrial destinations already? But the old itch to explore something new is back up your ass? Pull up those socks and space-suit up! For, it’s time to go beyond…

If you’re contemplating a journey into space, you deserve our heartiest congratulations for choosing an astounding spot in the posterior-end of eternity. There will be no honking on the roads, no speed breakers to slow you down, and better still you will have the coolest stories to tell friends back home. But this will need a plan. And a solid one too! ‘Cause once you’re out there, it’ll be difficult to take a U-turn when you realise halfway en route that you forgot your favourite music CD back on earth. Neither will it be cool to ask the guys handling the stick to take a detour and hit one of the rings of Saturn instead. Listen to your space-travel agency. They may be a bunch of geeks but they know the technical shit. For everything else, listen to us.

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“If offered a seat on a rocket ship, don’t ask which seat, just get on the friggin’ thing”

Get an eye mask

We know how painful it is to wake up early in the morning everyday. In fact, we don’t know how a sunrise looks like since 2001. But out in the space if you plan to hover around low in the Earth’s orbit, you will not witness just one, not five, not 10, but 16 sunrises in a day’s time. So, it’s going to be really hard to catch a nap, if you don’t carry an eye mask to block that sunlight. Though on the first few days when this is still a wonder for you, you can click pictures of all the sunrises and post them on FB with as many good morning messages, all through the day.

Keep the cash ready

Don’t get carried away by lower prices; they look attractive on the outside but may not fly at all. Back in 1985, when the average cost per passenger of a cosmonaut was $1-1.5 million without government subsidy, the National Space Society of US claimed that within 30 years a passenger would be able to travel space for just $25,000. But that doesn’t seem to be happening. So, be prepared to shed anything over $30 million for a full fledged round trip, because we don’t think a turn around in prices is even remotely in the offing.

Choose the right agent

There are both government and private players that arrange space trips. Richard Branson’s Virgin Group has already started selling tickets for a token booking fee of $20,000 but only for a few hours long suborbital flight. For longer tours pick one that suits your itinerary, for example Excalibur Almaz is all set to launch a private expedition to the moon; Space Adventures Ltd. would take you on a circumlunar mission to moon. SpaceX sounds the coolest among the lot that would take you to any space station out there, as you like.

Carry some good music

Films like Gravity and Interstellar showed us that time in a spacecraft can get monotonous, so we suggest you take with you a stash of your favourite music. Other than that will you please carry a CD of NoClue, the rapper, for us! We’d like to know if the guy raps as fast in outer space as he does on earth, given that Time works faster in space and gravity expands or some shit like that that we didn’t understand in Interstellar. Whatever be, we’d like to know if a 14.1 syllables per second song is finally comprehensive by mortals when they leave earth!

Carry a good camera phone

To have travelled so far and not bring back memories on Instagram is not what you want to do. And who would know you were there if you didn’t take a selfie with that meteor shower or the spinning ball of earth! Uploading pictures right as you click them won’t be a problem either. SpaceX is working on a new micro satellite technology that can make internet services available to a billion users down below with satellites they’d plant in space. A little bandwidth up there won’t hurt much. Don’t freak out if FB doesn’t show the right location on GPS for checking-in, though.

Pack for clothes

If you haven’t realised it yet, astronauts wear the same outfit everyday. If your trip is going to last longer than a 12 day stint, then you will have to carry changeovers. DON’T TRY TO DO YOUR LAUNDRY IN SPACE. And no, going the ET or PK style is not going to help either. Staying naked for days in a closed setting with fellow tourists is not at all a good idea. You will be on camera all the time, and you don’t want to look lousy, stupid or just like a douchebag with awkward flab in all its glory. Karl Aspelund, Asst. Professor at the University of Rhode Island is researching on the design and cultural needs of clothing in long term space explorations. We’re sure this guy will come out with a solution by the time you make up your mind which travel plan to choose.

Some interesting stats about space travel

• 547 is the total number of people who have been in space so far (astronauts and cosmonauts)
• 538 is the total number of people who have been in earth’s orbit so far (astronauts and cosmonauts)
• 123 (man years) is the total time spent by humans in space so far (by astronauts and cosmonauts)
• $17.5 (million) is the FY 2015 budget proposal for NASA by the Obama administration

Dennis Tito, the first space tourist says... “Before I flew to space, I had no idea how comfortable it would be. I think if a lot of people know what I know now there would be a huge demand.”

From the March 2015 issue of FHM India.