Become a Firework Pro

It’s that time of the year again, when we tell you to pull up your socks and load up on these firecrackers!

1. Take a spin

All said and done, the charkhari, is one of the most essential parts of your Diwali shenanigans. These ground chakkars come in all sizes — varying from small to extra big. These little things can literally make you jump for joy!

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2. Light it up

Sparklers or fuljhadi, as they are popularly called, are the safest and most popular crackers, atleast in our country. We’ve heard of some variants that can last upto 1 hour... Talk about lighting things up!

3. Flower power

Honestly, flowerpots or anar bombs, are responsible for 60% of the pollution created on Diwali night, but what the hell! These things brighten up the day and make your Diwali more colourful, nevermind the incessant cough strokes you get as an after effect.

4. Take a flight

Sincerely speaking, empty beer bottles would have never had a noble cause to serve had it not been for these rockets. They come in all beer bottle sizes and if you are lucky enough, these might make their way into your snobbish neighbour’s balcony. Touché!

5. C for comet

Let’s face it. We’ve all been fascinated by comet sightings in the childhood, then why not now? Comet bombs reminisce with the childhood fantasies and hell they do it right. They are also available in fancy colour combos these days.

6. Go big or go home

Haven’t you been pissed over those 1000 something crackers which will not go off until the wee morning hours. Yes, they are irritating, but not when you are the one who has lit them up. Bomb thy neighbourhood, we say.

7. We love shots

No, we are not taking about Jagermeisters here, but that pack of 100 shots that makes it look like the groom has arrived. Honestly, the best place to light it up is by your terrace. Yes, don’t you want your cracker to outdo other’s bit on that night.

8. Second to none

Honest confession — we grew up with these, and so will our kids. Bijli bombs are as much Diwali as diyaas. Buy two big packs and you could last yourself for two seasons, or maybe more. You can just have a huge bonfire at the end of the night and pick out the ones that survived the morning.

9. Take that Steve Aoki

So what if you can’t do the Aoki jump and make slick tunes like him. You can still announce you arrival with the Laxmi bombs. Besides ear deafening sound, these bombs leave a trail of paper pieces flying around when they go off.

Who not to invite to your fireworks display

If you want your 3 November to go off with a bang then keep this lot as far away as possible…

A foreigner

a) You’ll have to explain the concept wherein a nation is out there blowing off their hard earned money into the thin air, at which point you’ll realise you’re a tad hazy on the actual details, and b) you may accidentally injure them with a rocket, sparking an international incident that results in air strikes and years of conflict.

Your GF

Think about it. This is that one night of the year, when you would not be interested in any sort of action. Even if you are, how could you possibly be indulging in a clandestine affair, while the whole neighbourhood is bringing the house with truckloads of crackers. Bad idea boy!

Your dad

“How come you’ve got 25 thousand rupees to blow on fireworks while we’ve got collection agency letters arriving at our house with your name on?” Dad, could you possibly shut up or go home? You’re totally killin’ our buzz.

Your pets

There are few events that can’t be completed with your lovely little mutt. But, unfortunately, a fireworks display is one of them. Keep them away or face the consequence.

From the November 2013 issue of FHM India.