Work smarter, not harder: office essentials
Invest in these essentials and you’ll be the most dapper gent in the office…
- 01. Blazer, ₹6,660, topman.com
- 02. Belt, ₹9,419, paulsmith.co.uk; tie, ₹5,613, tedbaker.com
- 03. Bag, ₹18,553, youmustcreate.com; laptop bag, ₹7,611, sandqvist.net
- 04. Headphones, ₹16,169, beatsbydre.com
- 05. Diary, ₹1,711; pens, ₹1,235, simplymoleskine.com
- 06. Watch, ₹10,370, rotarywatches.com; glasses, ₹11,417, eyerespectdirect.com
- 07. Lunch box, ₹1,802, The Little House Shop at notonthehighstreet.com
- 08. Cufflinks, ₹808, topman.com
- 09. Card holder, ₹7,230, Launer at selfridges.com
- 10. Organiser, ₹4,281, knomobags.com
- 11. Shirt, ₹2,378, riverisland.com
- 12. Socks, ₹761, happysocks.com
- 13. Shoes, ₹11,417, kurtgeiger.com
Things guaranteed to get you the sack…
You’ve got the kit and the style, but beware of putting your foot wrong like these hapless fools
Typing emails in CAPS… When Vicki Walker, from Auckland, New Zealand, sent out a memo explaining how to fill in forms, entirely in red CAPS, colleagues complained that she sounded too confrontational. Bosses at ProCare Health found she’d caused “disharmony in the office” and sacked her for the missive and other unreasonable behaviour. In office politics, that’s a capital offence.
Using your own gun to foil a robbery… When Devin McClean foiled a serial thief from robbing the AutoZone car parts store where he worked in York County, Virginia, some hailed him as a hero. Trouble was, he used his own gun to ward off the robber, leading the management to fire him two days later.
Asking questions… Asking questions is encouraged in most jobs. Not in the US military. Air Force Major Harold Hering was dismissed in 1973 when he asked how an officer is to know that the president hasn’t gone mad in issuing a thermonuclear missile strike. Top brass felt he had failed to “demonstrate acceptable qualities of leadership” and sacked him. So he became a trucker.
Wearing your sports team’s colours… Car salesman John C. Stone loved the Green Bay Packers so much, he wore a necktie in the team’s colours to work in Chicago. His manager told him it “salted the wounds” of Chicago Bears fans, who had lost a game to the Packers the night before. He refused to take it off, and was fired.
Fart on food you’re about to serve… Good advice: if you are a horrible scumbag and decide to fart in a sandwich before serving it at a restaurant, DO NOT film it and upload the footage to YouTube. That’s what Michael Setzer, 32, and Kristy Hammonds, 31, did at a Domino’s Pizza in Conover, North Carolina. Setzer also wiped his arse with a cleaning cloth and smeared snot on a pizza. Needless to say, the video was viewed by millions and the pair were sacked and prosecuted.
From the March 2015 issue of FHM India.
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