10 Signs Your New Housemate Is A Psycho…

Want to know if your roommate is a psycho? Read it below and let us know:

01. THEY LEAVE THEIR TEABAG IN WITH THE MILK
Bona fide psycho behaviour. New housemates can be all kinds of weird, but when they start dicking around with the Yorkshire Gold, you know they’re a proper monster. Get. Out. Now.

02. THEY ACCUSE YOU OF BEING CRAZY
Malicious rumours involving you doing something weird in a swimming pool begin to circulate. But as you start to unmask the real psycho, someone says, “Housemate? But you never had a housemate.”

03. YOU HEAR WEIRD NOISES COMING FROM THEIR ROOM

You can excuse the odd ‘bump in the night’ every now and again, but when your flatmate’sbeen watching the woodland bumming scene from Deliverance on repeat for three hours solid, it could be time to question whether or not it really is due to his love of ‘specialist art’.

04. THEY’RE NOT WEARING ANY SHOES

Not just in the living room, but somewhere weird – like TK Maxx. It’s only when you look back at old Facebook snaps that you realise he’s never worn shoes. Bonus points if you notice a weird orb of light above their head.

05. THEY WERE FAR TOO KEEN TO DEAL WITH YOUR MOUSE PROBLEM

You suggested laying a bit of cheese or giving the landlord a call, but your housemate set a series of bloodthirsty booby traps inspired by the Saw films.

housemate

t’s only when you look back at old Facebook snaps that you realise he’s never worn shoes. 

06. NO ONE ELSE HAS ACTUALLY HEARD OF THEM’

One day in the pub, someone says, “But I thought… isn’t he your mate from school?” and it occurs that your flatmates’ anecdotes are exactly like the plot from last week’s Hollyoaks.

07. THINGS HAVE STARTED GOING MISSING

The odd squirt of Head & Shoulders or tub of Häagen-Dazs? Perfectly normal for a sharing household. The locks from the doors? Bits of your hair as you sleep? Not so much.

08. YOU’VE FOUND DRILL HOLES IN WEIRD PLACES
When you notice them in the ceiling above your bed you think, “That’s odd.” When you start noticing them in your undies, it might be time to move out.

09. THEY’VE GOT THEIR OWN ENCRYPTED WIFI

OK, so people like their own things, but why does your housemate have a WiFi network called D3AtH2dAWEST9/11? And why has he turned the bathroom into a padlocked internal server? And how long is that Flower Business Inc van going to be parked outside?

10. THEY REFER TO THEMSELVES IN THE THIRD PERSON

“Oh, well I guess James isn’t good enough to go to Nando’s with you, is he?” “I guess James will be spying on you in the shower tonight then, instead.” Bit weird, that, isn’t it?

housemate

The odd squirt of Head & Shoulders or tub of Häagen-Dazs? Perfectly normal for a sharing household. The locks from the doors? Bits of your hair as you sleep? Not so much.

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