An Affair to Remember
Isn’t micro-cheating just another buzzy term for having a wandering eye on a social level? It depends on how often the eye wanders, and when it does if it lingers.
Imagine you are scrolling through Instagram and all of sudden you stumble upon a post, only to see that your partner has double-tapped their ex’s photo. Or, perhaps you saw a very tantalising yet flirtatious text between your partner and their co-worker. Of course, at this point, you won’t think it as much of a problem, but for some reason, their actions still make you uneasy.
Well, there is a term for all of this and it is known as “Micro-Cheating”.
Digital platforms, like social media, dating apps, texting and other mediums had made the connection between people a lot easier, but, at the same time, the scope of cheating has also become far more complex than just sex with someone else. In reality, micro-cheating is a whole new level of betrayal, one that you might not even be heard of, and while it may sound harmless and somewhat like “innocent flirting”, many experts agree that the effects of this can actually be quite detrimental.
So, what exactly counts as micro-cheating? And more importantly, what should you do if you catch your partner in the act? It is time for some real talk and unearth this trendy relationship issue of the digital era.
Understanding The Phenomenon
The reason why micro-cheating is still remaining in a grey area in relationships is that it can be difficult to define. Yes, we agree that it is a subtler form of cheating, but do not let it fool you. These types of infidelity can still be incredibly destructive.
Micro-cheating can be acknowledged as an act of moving past the perceived boundaries of appropriate behaviours for those in a dedicated relationship. While these actions may seem benign to some, but when the urge to cover them from their partner comes in the frame, that is a major red flag. So, if you are involving in it and hiding it at the same time, you are betraying trust.
Examples For Explanation
Comprehending the term can be a tricky feat, as there are numerous types of actions that can fall under the umbrella of micro-cheating. For instance, let’s talk about a text message. If you are texting your co-worker about non-work things. Or, you are going out with your colleagues just because the co-worker you are infatuated to will be there, then you are entering into a dicey territory, even if you are not mapping for a hookup, it is still a form of micro-cheating because you are deliberately looking for chances to fraternise and flirt.
Another example would be posting sexual and seductive comments on social media post, and even it may sound okay for today’s culture, still putting up something super-suggestive, comments or photos, on social media, especially if it is intended to allure and engage others, perfectly fit the bill of the digital age cheating. Even lengthy DMs with a former flame, crush or even a total stranger can also be deemed as cheating because these sorts of discussion are the one that builds emotional closeness.
As for what is not micro-cheating? Checking out a random stranger on the street, or following your beloved celebrity crush on social media does not count. While it is completely normal to find other personalities attractive outside of the relationship, it is acting on that attraction that becomes problematic.
Why The Harm
Well, it is true that this form of cheating is not as devastating as physical infidelity, but in a part, it still put a lot of troll in the relationship. As it can work as a stepping stone to traditional cheating. It is like examining the edges of emotional deception. While this does not imply that the person will definitely cheat, the problem can intensify real fast if the relationship is already going through a vulnerable state.
Different Definition For Different Relations
Every relationship is diverse, and you may think about whether the scope of this cheating varies. The couple who have an open relationship will have a different set of ground rules compared to those supporting monogamous. In this case, one thing that truly alters is the tolerance level for these kinds of dishonesty. Some people might not find this matter as critical, but it becomes challenging when one partner is more tolerant than the other. If the threshold is not aligned, that is when the problem occurs. So, it is vital to have an open, honest discussion with your partner and be on the same page of every conditions and activity that are conceded in a relationship. It will diminish the prospect that either of you unwittingly betrays the other without even realising it.
What To Do If You Catch Them In The Act
Rember Sherlock Holmes Season Four, when Mary Watson died saving Sherlock? Now, remember, how before everything happened John cheated on her even after she had his baby? Not physically of course, but on the micro-level. Then he confronted everything to her after she was dead? That was the guilt he was enduring inside of him. So, no matter how awkward it may feel to confront your partner about their micro-cheating ways, the crucial thing is to vocalise your concerns, make them address small problems before they become something that you can’t change.
The bottom line? No matter how much sugar-coated it is, betrayal is a betrayal. You deserve to be in a relationship where your personal boundaries are respected. Moreover, if you are still uncertain about what counts as micro-cheating, ask yourself this: Is this something you or your partner would still do if your significant other was right there? Or would you be ashamed if they witnessed it? The answer to this can help you to determine whether sending that first text, posting that one comment or beginning that first conversation crosses the line or not.
From the February 2020 issue of FHM India.
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