Don’t get mad… get even!
There are times when life will throw you a well-pitched fast yorker. FHM’s guidebook to not getting mad but getting even.
There are times when life will throw you a well-pitched fast yorker and you will find it impossible to score a win! But don’t you despair, for we are here to entrust you with some delicious revenge recipes that will make those barmy buggers beg for a biblical blessing! However, whatever you do, don’t yell and certainly don’t throw those punches around. Never let anyone have that satisfaction…and never ever go to bed angry - stay awake and plot the perfect revenge! After all, the smart man doesn’t get mad, he gets evil…and then he gets even!
No. 1: Your best friend steals your gal
Well, to be perfectly honest, there would be no better revenge than to let him have her! Then again, it’s not only the bitch’s betrayal that hurt, it is the prick’s as well. So, what should you do? First of all, make them believe you’re cool with the idea of them dating. As time passes and they let their guards drop, poke holes in all your friends’ condoms. Or alternatively, replace her birth-control pills with some multi-vitamins. And then…wait for the gauntlet to drop!
No. 2: Your colleague steals your thunder
Did you just have a brilliant brain-wave, only to have your idea and your “thunder” being stolen by an office insect? Fret not…here’s what you can do to squish them to a juicy finish. Right before they present the idea to the higher ups, surreptitiously replace a couple of slides with an “inappropriate” slide and watch them take a royally embarrassing fall. Then again, it was about time they tasted the thunder…
No. 3: Your relatives berate you
Well let’s be honest…Albert Einstein wasn’t the only one with a theory on relativity. We have one too! It’s called the related relatives’ relativity of ridicule. The theory simply states that blood relatives - in reality - were simply put on Earth to screw with our own happiness. After all, the uncle who does not call you on your birthday has no right to call you on your result day! Right??!! So, how do you combat the years of berating, the years of comparisons and the years of negativity? Simple - by going out there and being the best you can be! Nothing irritates people more than knowing they don’t irritate you at all. Besides, you know what they say…success is the best revenge!
No. 4: Your organisation falsely terminates your employment
Nothing hurts more than the proverbial kick to the stomach - at least metaphorically speaking (for if we spoke literally and anatomically, there’s one place where a kick would hurt more). So, what do you do when your organisation tosses you out on your ass, well it’s time for some legal payback! Every business, you see, has unlawful secrets and you might just be the one to bring the mighty Olympus to its knees. So, gather all your resources, dig around and let Lady Justice do your bidding. Not only will you be doing yourself a favour, the society will owe you one too!
From the December 2015 - January 2016 issue of FHM India.
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