Fake Your Way to the Top: How to Make Yourself Sack-Proof
How to make yourself 100% sack-proof – without actually working any harder…
1 Get a nickname
Not something like “Mr PartyHands”. But a nice moniker shows not only acceptance, but also visibility. If you’re just another face at the water cooler, you run a greater risk of ending up in the unemployment line.
2 Get political
Adapt to the environment; hook up with the winners. Study office dynamics. Show up early, stay late, suss out the fast-trackers’ culture. Who’s connected? Who’s taken seriously? Who’s the ACP Pradyuman? You? Ah.
3 Know Your Enemy
The enemy being: everyone else in your department. Assess their strengths, weaknesses and value to the company. Then exploit it: send ideas directly to your boss, make sure he knows if you’ve worked late, etc. Spot opportunities and execute them.
4 Make pointless gestures
If you’re asked to do things outside your remit… do them. Like on a lull day try cleaning out a closet, organise everything. It might just catch your boss’ eye and you suddenly find yourself in his inner circle.
5 Become well known for one thing
Most high-profile brands have a simple phrase that sums them up. Google: search engine, Harrods: luxury, McDonald’s: cow meat etc. You should be the same: an uncomplicated idea in the minds of your peers. For example: the “listener”, “mentor”, even “joker”.
6 Go the extra yard
The number-one quality is a willingness to go above and beyond. Be the person your boss turns to when he needs something done right the first time. Heart surgeons should take this especially seriously.
7 Don’t be an ostrich
Don’t bury your head in the sand. Instead, launch a campaign to explain who you are and what you do. Many managers think if they are quiet and blend in, they’ll be overlooked when the axe falls. Nothing could be further from the truth.
8 Finally: Be Positive
This is going to hurt, but… attitude is everything. So suppress your natural urge to gun down your co-workers, and instead act positive. Arrive early, do the tea run and, if you can, try parting your lips in a grimace approximating what normal people call a “smile”. After all people prefer to hang out with people who have an ‘up’ vibe.
From the October 2010 issue of FHM India.
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