From small to big, we have an answer to all your sex-related queries. This time, we’re talking about pegging, guilty feelings about sex, kinky fantasies, and more.
I am a 25-year-old man, but every time I have sex, I feel some kind of unhappiness. Don’t get me wrong, the orgasm feels great, but there are some feelings of shame that linger; I feel as if I did something wrong, something I should not have done. Why do I feel so and how do I overcome this?
First of all, we’d like to commend you for having the courage to talk about something like this. Secondly, your age doesn’t matter, we have seen this in many others as well. The cause of this thinking lies in the upbringing we receive. From childhood to adulthood, all we’re taught is that sexual pleasure is wrong. We’re not taught about sexual maturity at all. We are never taught how to talk about uncomfortable sexual feelings with our partners either. This is what we recommend. You should talk to your partner about this and she could help you overcome the lingering feelings of guilt and shame. And just to reiterate, there is nothing shameful about wanting sexual pleasure, so leave this thinking behind and reassure your inner child about this as well.
I have some really kinky fantasies that I wish to explore with my partner. But I feel really scared to bring them up to him. I am afraid I will be judged for having such fantasies or just talking about them. Is there any way I could talk about my fantasies without being judged about them?
This is a common problem with people who are sexually active. We understand the fear of judgment of what they would think about you if you actually talk about yourself like a sexual person is very real and can leave a great impact. But we also know that everyone has such fantasies, even your partner. So, you should not be afraid of being judged. Hold space for each other and discuss it with each other, respecting each other’s choices and opinions. Don’t be ashamed of having any fantasies, sex is supposed to be pleasurable for both, and talking this out will surely help.
I have not been sexually active a lot, but I have researched and prepared myself for it well since I know sexual health is very important. But I have received some negative reactions when suggesting to use dental dams during oral sex. How can I put this suggestion forward without offending my partner?
It is good to see that people are taking their sexual health seriously nowadays, so kudos to you for trying to learn about it as much as possible. Coming to your answer, sadly many people are still clueless when it comes to sexual health and how to maintain it. Sexual health tools can sometimes bring up feelings of being personally attacked and some can perceive the suggestion to mean that you’re calling them “dirty.” We definitely are in need of a language around asking and receiving std tests from our partners and asking them to use tools like condoms and dental dams. Dental dams can actually make going down 10X more pleasurable for some. Just gently tell your partner the benefits of such tools but don’t give in if they still don’t agree to their use. There is no need to compromise your own health after all!
I know some women don’t like anal sex, but there is a very specific fantasy that I have – pegging. Is there any possibility that women enjoy pegging their male partners? And if yes, how do I suggest this to my partner?
Yes, there are lots of women who don’t like anal sex, but for that matter, there are also countless men who don’t like it either. But yes, some women do hold fantasies of pegging their male partners. You’d actually be surprised by how many women would actually agree to fulfil this fantasy of yours. Just talk to your partner about it, communicate what you want and don’t want and who knows, she might just be waiting for you to bring this up!
I feel attracted to the scent of sweat. Is this normal? I am always afraid that I will be judged for it by my partner, how do I safely put it across to my partner without being judged for it?
People have different kinks and fetishes and it is completely alright. If your partner is judging you about something so small as this, maybe you should re-evaluate your relationship. But there are more chances of your partner understanding you and your fetish than judging you for it. So, all you now need to do, is sit down and have a mature conversation around the topic. Just make yourselves comfortable and talk for as long as you need to. Don’t be afraid to explore each other’s desires and fetishes.
I exchanged a few flirty emails with an old flame, but I stopped before it could go any further. Does it count as cybersex? And if it does, does cybersex count as cheating?
While many don’t consider a little bit of flirty emailing or texting to be cheating, most do. You might feel like just a few flirty emails might not be a big deal, it is just an exchange of thoughts after all, not bodily fluids, but it still qualifies as cheating. A better way to assess this situation would be to think about how you would feel if your partner was the one doing it. Would you feel hurt, angry, or resentful if your partner does the same to you? If you or your partner feel uncomfortable with this, you’re definitely out of bounds. And this does count as cheating, by the way, so we would advise to not do such things. Take the time to talk to your partner and figure out what you feel is missing out from your relationship that is making you act out like this.