IPL 7 vs Elections
April presents a tough choice of sorts - to give into the larger guilt of giving a crap about the elections or being shameless and watching cricket. Reason enough for us to dig deep and do what we do best - make a list.
01. It’s less permanent
No matter what might be said about Indian politics and the hole it has found itself at the bottom of, it still manages to cobble and keep itself together for its 5-year duration. What this means is every power cut, every unrepaired street and every rape would constantly remind you of the morons you have voted for. IPL, on the other hand, isn’t quite so permanent. There are two a year, it runs for 52 days give or take, and at the end of the day you won’t be losing any sleep over whether KKR beat CSK. Unless the second point is more pertinent to you.
02. It’s easier to bet on and more secure
There is a system in place stating the odds, and even the points and shady corners for pickups and the drops are set in place. Plus, access to team owners and parties is not as much of a nightmare as politics. Now compare this to the elections where last minute divorces and hook-ups can make you lose a clinched bet.
03. It’s made for people with ADD
This whole not voting for a party but voting for a candidate has placed a strange emphasis on knowing your candidate. The guys on Twitter and the fellas who shoot their mouth off on the telly have created a pressure group specifically aimed at shaming you for voting only for parties and not for individuals. IPL on the other hand is more forgiving. No one really judges you if you mix up people and teams. Plus, compared to the daily mom-and-pop shops springing up in politics, there are only 8 teams in total. No CSK (United), RCSKD, CSK (Secular).
04. IPL has better cricketers
Mohd Azharuddin, Mohd Kaif and Kirti Azad in politics compared to a tournament with everyone from Chris Gayle to Dhoni and Virat Kohli to Kevin Pietersen playing – there is really not even a question on which one of the two events will have a better and more exciting class of cricketers participating.
05. The beards are shaped by the wind
Between Virat Kohli, Ravindra Jadeja and Gautam Gambhir – IPL has all but hammered this nail into the LS coffin. Mind bogglingly groomed beards so sharp that Mr. Gillette or even Edward Scissorhands himself couldn’t have created them. LS elections stand no chance whatsoever on this front.
06. The actors are more exciting
Kirron Kher, Gul Panag, Jaya Prada, Moon Moon Sen, Mahesh Manjrekar, KRK, Bappi Lahiri, Ravi Kishen, Nagma – the celebrity line-up of Indian elections reads like the star cast of Jaani Dushman or worst still, a comeback movie! Compare this to SRK for KRK, Preity Zinta for Punjab, Shilpa Shetty for Rajasthan and maybe Salman Khan, who is thinking about buying a team as well. Add to this the dozen of actors/actresses/ item girls who descend onto the VIP boxes for matches and shameless self-promotion, and you have your answer. If IPL and the Elections were running a race, IPL would have finished and gone home by the time the LS elections reached the 50-metre mark.
07. IPL pays for security
Not that they’d like to, but they still do. Compare this to the general elections that are costing India ₹3500 crores, not including security and other expenses incurred by parties.
08. IPL has Sidhu
After his party dumped him, IPL will have Sidhu all to itself, if things do (or don’t) work out – depending on the side of the fence you’re sitting on. True, we’re not huge fans of his shayari either, but compared to the staccato forced humour of Akash Chopra, he certainly adds a certain Punjabi joie de vivre (loosely translated to mean nonsensical nuttiness).
09. They use commercial flights and pay for them
Agreed, this is more out of necessity considering that IPL teams do tend to travel with a little bit of an entourage and baggage (GFs and cricket kits) meaning private planes simply won’t do. Compare this to the now legendary squabble between Kejriwal and Modi on who pays for Modi’s charter planes. Of course, not allowing hypocrisy get in the way of transportation, he hopped aboard a paid for charter from Jaipur to Delhi without bothering to shoo away the hacks.
10. The commentators are hotter
The commentators/reporters look like Archana Vijaya and not Arnab. Come on, is there even a comparison here?
11. Backroom negotiations don’t exist, or at least that’s what the BCCI claims
Picture this: KKR need to win their next match against BSK with 5 wickets to prevent CSK from making it into the semifinals. It’s the day of the match but without a ball being bowled or even the coin being tossed, KKR and BSK captains issue a joint statement that they don’t wish to play the match and KKR, which has already made it into the semis, is supporting Bangalore’s bid for a semi-final birth. Sounds absurd, right? This is how some of our political parties fight elections.
12. BCCI clean chits are more authoritative than CBI’s
Truth be told, IPL’s lead over the elections is a slim one here. Especially considering that Mr Srinivasan is still the big boss, his son-in-law still a team owner and Dhoni still the Captain despite betting allegations. But compare that to A. Raja, Maran, Pawan Kumar Bansal and Yeddyurappa who are contesting elections under various stages of corruption charges.
From the April 2014 issue of FHM India.
Spotted a mistake, or your photo used without permission? Report a correction
in your inbox