Love: End Game

Mostly anyone well-educated and cognizant today, is all for feminism, and should be. Women have so much to offer – way beyond the confines of the household and the kitchen. They have proven to be just as intelligent, hardworking, enterprising, strategizing, bold, trailblazing, creative, ruthless, clever, groundbreaking as any man alive. They also rightfully deserve the same respect, treatment and pay as the male contemporaries.

However, the feminist movement has had some side effects. Feminism has killed romance as we know it! Men are more confused now, than ever before, on how to approach the liberated, enlightened, and empowered powerful women of today. Chivalry and courtship is becoming a lost art. Many men think, they no longer have to chase the new world women, they no longer need to hold doors for them, or pick up the tab when out on a date, or rescue the damsel in distress, and be a protector or a savior.

Read FHM India in the digital libraryEvery issue, every shoot, on TCG Media.

That is not the case. No matter how liberated, empowered, successful, enlightened the women breed has become, they will always appreciate a man – who can look out for them, rescue them if needed (even if it’s from a cockroach), pick up the tab (at least for the first few dates) or pamper them every now and then with gifts. No matter how tough the exteriors, we are all delicate flowers inside, that need proper watering for us to fully bloom and function in a blissful, supportive, and encouraging environment.

Now, there are also women today, who say, they don’t really need a man for anything, other than maybe just sexual needs. These are super alpha, strong leader, super self-reliant females, and if they do have a man, their relationships will always be conflicted and difficult one to maintain. Here is why.

Who wears the pants?

There can only be one leader in the household. One CEO. They may both be CEOs of different companies in the career world, but as in any one organization, there cannot be two CEOs at home. One can be the President, and the other CEO. If both try to be CEOs, there will always be power struggles, conflicts, and head-butting. Who will stir the boat, will need to be decided or understood early on in a relationship for it to sail smoothly. Or personalities need to be such, that each compliment the other in some dominant and submissive roles. Generally, a successful union rarely results between two alphas. Complimentary traits ensure successful and harmonious partnership.

“The biggest challenge in relationships today is self-awareness. Without knowing who you are, what your priorities are and what you deeply value, it is very difficult to know what you need in a partner”, says life coach and motivational filmmaker at Huffington Post, Jay Shetty.

What are the new male and female roles in a relationship?

There is masculine energy and there is feminine energy. There is the yin and the yang – they may not be equal, but equally important, and their roles must be properly understood.

If we go back to the beginning of time, and look at our primal ancestors, we will understand our basic instincts, our primal innate nature. Men were more aggressive, hunters, gatherers, protectors and providers, while women were the nurturers, caregivers, balancers, and softer energy. Both of these roles are equally important to create harmony and balanced environment.

In today’s world, where women are breaking all the ceilings and barriers, reaching new heights- never touched by women before, sometimes the women are confusing being a strong leader with being more masculine. They feel, they need to be tougher, more aggressive, more egoistic, seemingly heartless, and more ruthlessness to compete in the man’s world. Although, some of it might be necessary in the board room, its completely not necessary in the sanctity of a home. Today’s women must let their guards down, and let be taken care of, and be protected, be vulnerable, be soft. Regrettably, as women may be taking on more masculine attributes, men aren’t able to take on more feminine qualities. Hence, there will be conflict. Studies have also shown links between higher intelligence and higher self-esteem, and people with higher self-esteem tend to be less interested in pleasing others. However, most men are seeking nurturing, pleasing nature and compassion as most desirable personality traits in women.

According to award winning relationship psychologist Dr. Rachna K Singh, “Due to empowerment today, women are more aware of their rights, sexuality, desires, strength, and they can be an equal financial contributor in a relationship, however, it has also led women not wanting to give in sufficient in a relationship, whereas relationships can only work on both give and take. Love is about giving”

It is the female softer energy that teaches the more aggressive, risk-taker, impulsive male, how to love, how to calm down, how to be more balanced, and how to be more organized.

To chase or not to chase?

When in confusion- always chase (the right woman). There is no woman alive, who wouldn’t like to be chased by the male breed. It is highly flattering and exciting for a female (given that it is somewhat welcomed, not the psycho stalking kind – that is going to land you in jail!)

In most of the animal kingdom, you will see the male has to initiate a courtship effort to grab the female’s attention. The male peacock flares his wings and dances in the rain. Male flame bowerbirds spend days building elaborate structures out of twigs just to impress a female. And, the most fascinating Japanese puffer fish, creates a masterpiece sand art that he works on for a whole week, working 24 hours a day to attract a female! Among most animals, courtship allows one or both sexes to select a mate from several candidates. Usually, the females do the choosing. Several basic factors influence a female's choice of mate. Firstly, if a female provides parental care, she chooses as competent a male as possible. Females tend to select males with resources such as food or shelter which help a mating pair to produce more offspring that survive.

So, going back to the basics and our animalistic instincts, a woman likes a man who makes a great effort to grab her attention, and can show great provider, and protector attributes, not necessarily for herself, but more for her offspring. Hence, in courtship, the acts of chivalry – which display such qualities still appeal to the modern-day woman instinctually. It certainly makes a man stand apart in a crowd of seemingly more confused and intimidated men, in the empowered women’s world today.

From the May-June 2018 issue of FHM India.