Monogamy Begets Monotony

Peeping Mary survives heart-break and toys with the idea of dipping her toes in several pies.

If you can feel Monday Blues why can’t you feel Monogamy Blues? Isn’t that a fair question when you base your question and or argument on the premise that you are bound to be tired of anything that is repeated or routine, plus there’s that need for the constant ‘fresh or new’ which is paramount to your thought process and critical to your self affirmation? Suffering from post non-monogamous infliction myself, I ended up at a bar talking to my business partner. We’d never really been bum chums and we’d never really had occasion to open up to each other. So, over several Absoluts and James Taylors, it was both surprising as well as shocking to hear him describe his Polyamorous existence. It was my initiation into a new field of thinking.

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For those who don’t know – “From the Greek words poly (many or multiple) and amor (love), polyamory is generally defined as the thought process, action or acceptance of the concept that humans can have romantic love for more than one person at a time.

Polyamory doesn’t refer solely to people who are polyamorous, but rather to describe the philosophy of many loves as opposed to monogamous relationships” aka consentual non-monogamy.

He told me of his wives and mistresses, one pretty much at every port but insisted he loved them all. And I think he meant it! One particular story hit home – hard. His journey to somewhere beyond Alaska to meet a woman he had come to love, online! For five minutes, it was like listening to Robert Kincaid- the protagonist of Robert James Wallers’ ‘Bridges of Madison County’ recount his story of passion and endurance with Francesca Johnson. You’d probably dismiss it as a chick flick. But what did hit home was that he told every story with the same fervor. And it was this that was forced to believe that there is life beyond monogamous expectations. Forced to accept that Monogamy in its current definition that refers to having one sexual partner irrespective of marriage, may well be an outdated concept. It could just be as simple as likening monogamy to broccoli – its good for you but you don’t have to like it or eat it!

I wished that I knew a woman who would tell me similar stories and while I am sure they are out there, the question is: Why is it only men feel comfortable enough to practice non monogamous lives? Are women guilty of the same phenomenon? Are women afraid to live by the standards that men live by? Is it psychological or physiological need that drives us to Polyarmory? Is it spelt Polyarmory or Polyarmoury?

But seriously, with the feeling of dejection in my own life, I found myself envying him! I wondered why I could not lead a similar life and toyed with the idea of turning into a Female Chauvinist Pig.

After all, some genius did say, “What’s good for the goose is good for the gander” And why eat Muesli for breakfast everyday if there’s a breakfast buffet outside.

I believe the future for woman is to exercise the freedom to be polyamorous and create our own standards of morality and not live with expectations that may never be fulfilled.

But things aren’t as uncomplicated as my dear friend made out to be the narcisst who writes your edit notes as usual disagrees and oversimplifies. According to him relationships with more than one partner count as ‘Open’ relationships which by extension means, you’re just plain simple desperate and disgusting. According to him terms such as “Dating Exclusively” mean nothing because all relationships are supposed to be exclusive. Anything else is just a sham.

Again like I said, he oversimplifies – I put it down to the follies of youth. I know him and I know the handing-over period in some of his relationships has been as little as three days. Is it humanly possible to get completely out of a relationship and completely into another in three days? It’s a rhetorical question please don’t answer it.

While I sparingly agree with him (calling some of these relationships ‘Open’ and ‘desperate’ does make sense) but, is it possible to be into more than one person at the same time?

I think there is…either way there is only one way to find out. And, its not in a book.

From the November 2010 issue of FHM India.