Sexperts: your embarrassing questions answered

It’s a little embarrassing to discuss this. My tool has a bit of a bend towards the left. From all the porn that I have ever seen, in which I have never seen this with any of the guys, I am beginning to believe that it’s an abnormality. Because of this reason, I’m afraid to get into a relationship or getting it on with a girl! How can I correct this?

– Abhimanyu Raj, Udaipur

Problem? This? No! Wrap your head around this, bud… there are more guys with this ‘bendy’ situation than you can fathom. And do you think that this is something women detest or have a bearing on the sexperience then you have another thing coming (pun!). It’s a proven, researched fact that the shape of your tool has no bearing on the main sex act.

Read FHM India in the digital libraryEvery issue, every shoot, on TCG Media.

Look at the upside. Your babe can name it North-West (Sorry Kanye).

I have heard many conflicting versions of whether alcohol relaxes and gets you in the mood for sex or actually has a detrimental effect on the act. Thought I’d ask you. What do you think? Shekhar banerji, noida

What I think is that nothing paves the way for some explosive sex like scotch on the rocks, dirty martinis and some good ol’ Rock ‘n’ Roll! Okay seriously, studies have shown that a little bit of alcohol loosens up people enough to set the stage for some great sex. But not too much, mind you. You don’t need us to tell you that trying to get in the saddle in an inebriated state will lead to a whole lot of ugliness. And may God have mercy if you pass out on the lady! Ouch.

I think I have a problem. I don’t think it’s erectile dysfunction but help me understand what it is. When I am rolling in the hay with my girlfriend, I do get a boner. No problem there. But within 5-7 minutes, I get distracted with a myriad of thoughts and lose my wood. I have tried, albeit Without success, to think of hot and steamy thoughts, tried watching porn also but to no avail. I think I am distracted. How do I get my focus back?

– Ketan De, Lucknow

Buddy, from the sound of it, you might have ED. But that’s from whatever little I can gather. This is more of an I’m-gettingfreaked-so-let’s run-to-the-docright-away kind of a problem.

Hope you’re already hailing a cab down by the time you finish reading this. Might I add, that this is not a problem to lose sleep over. Indian variants of the legendary blue coloured diamond shaped pill are available at all chemists. So no anxiety pangs there.

In my current social circle and office and in personal life, I am not meeting interesting enough women to ask them out on a date. I do spot some really fine ladies at movies, clubs, etc, who I would like to approach and ask out. Can you give me a few handy tips to do this without feeling awkward and score every time?

– Suhas Patel, Surat

Mr Patel, there is no sure shot formula to hook up with women that works each time. If I had that then I would have made enough money to own half of Italy. But what I can tell you is something that is the most basic of expectations that women have from the men they’d get interested in. And it’s not rocket science. Smart and subtle dressing, chivalry and a bit of sense of humour thrown in; and bam! You have yourself a winner. P.S.: Hope you’re not stalking women at these public places. In that case, this conversation never happened.

From the October 2015 issue of FHM India.