Be the Perfect Date: How to Make a First Date Count

Surveys say men spend way too much on a first date. Make sure it’s money well spent with our guide.

How to make her laugh

Try and not behave like a stand-up comedian which you sometimes end up doing in a pub with friends. Stand-up’s a one-way conversation – you can’t really do that with just one other person, bit rude. But to be funny, you have to feel comfortable. If you’re not relaxed then awkwardness comes across.

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Stories are funnier than jokes. People respond warmly if it’s clear that you’re telling something that happened to you and genuinely amused you. It’s easier to make someone smile talking about something wonderful than it is saying something’s crap.

Don’t be scared of saying something that’s not funny. Once you’ve said it, if it didn’t go well, it’s gone. Try your jokes out on your friends, a lot could crash and burn but better them than the broad you want to impress.

Also, don’t be too weird. That can be confusing. You remember seeing a stand-up who’d just eat a banana with a spoon and sing the theme song from The Sweeney? We do. Not great. Don’t be that guy.

Finally, don’t beat yourself up. Sometimes things go badly. You can’t let things get in your head and stress about them. You’ll get those moments where you’re lying in bed staring at the ceiling and thinking ‘Oh God, why did you say that, you idiot?’, but everyone gets that.

The best laughter is when it’s effortless. When one laughs all through the story, not just at a punchline. That’s when it’s great.

Where to go

You want to avoid things where the focus is purely on the conversation. If you’re in a plain white room with no music looking at each other across a table, things can get pretty awkward. Do something where there’ll be plenty of things to talk about. It’s a more relaxed way of learning each other’s interests and sense of humour.

Food Market

Great because it’s tactile and sensual. Everybody loves food. And there’ll be plenty to talk about.

Dancing

There’s a sexual energy to dancing, but it’s relaxed and acceptable. It’s intimate but also social. Maybe avoid if you dance like a flamingo in callipers.

Holiday shopping

Sounds a nightmare, but you’ll get help with a difficult task and, again, there’ll be plenty to talk about. You can then transition into a drink at the end as a reward.

Watch the first episode of a TV series

Find a TV show you both want to see and it’ll become something you always do together.

How to read her

Is sex on the table? It is if she’s still drinking and laughing in the bar you take her to after dinner. But mentioning sex will make her feel under pressure. Instead say: “I don’t want this night to end.” It’s romantic, shows you want to have sex, but puts the ball in her court.

Humans mirror actions when they’re interested in someone.

If she starts reaching for a drink at the same time as you she’s attracted to you.

She’ll initiate touch – maybe brushing your arm – if she’s interested. You being first to touch her can put her off.

When it comes to the end of the night, if her eyes drop repeatedly to your lips, she wants to kiss you.

How to always convert

TAXI TO HERS

Nothing kills the mood quicker than public transport, so order a cab and make it to hers. She’ll feel more comfortable in her own place.

DON’T ASSUME

Never assume sex is a given the moment you walk through her door. Successful swordsmen take one step at a time, so dinner, drink, taxi, chat and then… snog. Kissing is a massive turn on for women.

TO THE BEDROOM

Keep those lips locked for 10-15 minutes, then tell her how amazing she is. Next, get up holding her hand, lead her towards the door and… stop. Now look her in the eyes and tell her “you’re prepared to wait”. There is nothing sexier or more guaranteed to get a girl’s pants down than a guy saying: “I am horny, but you’re special, so I’m not just after a quick fling.”

STOP!!!!!!

And now that you’ve got her pants down… keep yours up. What the?! I know, but hear me out. I don’t care how liberated she is, if you’ve shagged, she will wake up the next day and think: ‘Oh my God!’ A thought that will make her feel bad about herself, which will intrinsically make her view you negatively. So instead of getting your rocks off…

…WORK THAT TONGUE

Give her fantastic, orgasm-inducing oral sex and then say: C’mon, let’s not rush things. Words that will be tough to say, but will be worth it. Why? Simple. Have sex and it might be one time. Do this and you’re guaranteeing there will be multiple other times.

And for breakfast: eggs Benedict

Opt for this as it’s the stylish answer to ‘How do you like your eggs?’ For the hollandaise sauce, blend 2 egg yolks, salt and pepper until thickened. Then heat a spoon each of lemon juice and white wine vinegar until they start to bubble. Pour the mixture into the blender with the egg yolks, then switch off.

Poach your eggs, using a tablespoon of vinegar to keep the whites together.

Place two slices of ham onto a toasted muffin and lightly grill. Add the eggs and spoon over the sauce.

From the January 2011 issue of FHM India.