Got A Question To Ask? Fire Away – April-May 2021

I was involved with two guys and had physical relation with them, while being in my wedlock. I have two daughters. My husband loves both of them a lot, but he is not their father. Should I tell him?

At times, it may be emotionally draining to keep so much in your heart. Extramarital affairs and casual sex encounters may bring enjoyment for the time being but ultimately, they lead you to emotional restlessness and various mental and often physical health related problems. Telling the truth to your husband may bring some devastating consequences in the life of your daughters and you. But at the same time, it is equally important for you to keep yourself mentally healthy. If you decide to tell your secret to your husband, calculate everything that is on stake. If you want to unburden yourself at all costs, then talk to him and be strong while facing the consequences. Otherwise, you can take help of clinical psychologist to relieve yourself mentally. I would also suggest you to be more careful and committed towards your family because such casual sex relations not only bring mental trauma, stress and anxiety but many sexually transmitted diseases as well. Tell your husband about your sexual desires. Take a professional help, if needed, discuss your intimate thoughts with him or if you don't love him, simply confess. But such relations put the other partner in dark and his life in danger. Make a wise choice.

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My girlfriend is not very good at intimate talks, but this sort of conversation is a big turn on for me. How can I ask my girlfriend to be more open about such topics?

You cannot force a person to behave the way you want, in a relationship. First of all, you will have to give her some time in order to understand the kind of relationship she wants. Try to understand her mind. She might think that you may judge her if she talks about sex. You will have to make her feel comfortable, and take her into confidence, that she will not be labeled as someone for talking about such things. Then after some time you can speak to her, about your own mind, as to what kind of discussions you want before or while having sex.

My boyfriend is not able to get over my past, which I had told him after I got into this relationship. Although he doesn't humiliate me but he feels constantly sad about it.

It can be hard for anyone to deal with his or her spouse's past relationships. Nevertheless, things can get better if they are handled maturely. Firstly, ensure that you have moved on from your previous relationship. Avoid talking about it at all costs. If your present boyfriend initiates such conversation, you can gently tell him that you do not want to talk about the past. Make him believe fully, that he is your present and future, which are brighter than before. Make him have full faith in you. Things will improve gradually between you two.

I am in a long-distance relationship, for almost three years now. We use to have sex when we meet. Six months ago, my boyfriend got a promotion in his job, and became extremely busy to call or message me. Also, we could not meet frequently, due to Covid19 imposed lockdown. How should I tell him that I no longer feel the spark? Should I continue this relationship?

Continuing the relationship is completely your choice, however it is suggested that you must find out the actual reason why this is happening. There may be reasons other than the job or interrupted meeting schedules, that is taking a toll on him. Eventually you will have to resolve this issue, irrespective of the reason. Working on existing relationship is far more prudent than leaving it, due to such inconsequential issues. Talk to him regarding taking time out, at least for few minutes, for this relationship. Slowly, inform him about how you truly feel about this relationship. He may feel the same way, you never know. But at least you both will know the truth and will take a decision accordingly. And if he does not feel the way as you, he might try to find out some way, to make it better.

I am going to marry this girl very soon. It is an arranged marriage and I have started liking, rather, loving this girl. But I happened to see her intimate pictures with her previous boyfriend, a few days ago. How should I deal with it? I do not want to lose her but also, I am not able to accept what I saw.

Every individual has a past. Sometimes, a few skeletons come out of the cupboard while others remain inside. Whether you know about her past or not, you cannot change it. Now, it is up to you; what is more important, the girl or her pictures in the past. Take the decision wisely, keeping in view your capacity of tolerance. If you think the girl is more important for you then talk to her clearly before marrying her, do not keep any question for future, as they might create misunderstanding later on. And if you find it difficult to forget those pictures, then you should steer clear of her.

From the April-May 2021 issue of FHM India.