How to Kill Cubicle Boredom
No one likes waking up early to get to office and then spend the entire day at a closed-off cubicle, but there’s no reason you can’t spruce things up a little. Here’s a ready reckoner…
10 ways to get started
Author Mainak Dhar of The Cubicle Manifesto shares his tips:
The power of Wingdings: Write messages in the Wingdings font and display them prominently on your cubicle. Nobody will know what they mean and you can chuckle while your boss tries to decipher them. Start with this one: MorePay,LessWork(More Pay, Less Work).
On target: Keep a small magnetic dartboard (a photo of my actual board attached) that can be whipped out at a minute’s notice for a quick game or for impaling imagined office trolls from the comfort of your cube.
A pet project: King Bruce was inspired by a spider in his cell, so get a pet of your own. I had a rubber mouse christened ‘Musa’ on my desk for years. Worked wonders against uninvited intrusions since I discovered my boss didn’t fancy it and also won me some nice pocket money when I fished it out to win a prize for the weirdest thing found during an office cleanup.
Disrupting communications: Casually lean over and disconnect the LAN cable of your neighbour. Then watch him holler for IT to come and fix his computer while he panics over missed deadlines. Immature yes, but still fun.
The restructuring threat: Lean over to the next cubicle and whisper, ‘Did you see the new HR notice about how only some of us will be spared from the restructuring’. Respond to the blank expression with a look of sympathy saying, ‘Oh, you didn’t get the notice, never mind’ and then slink back to your cube,
The power of pin-ups: Put up photos of models and when asked about it, say you’ve been asked to help choose the new model for the company brochure/campaign.
The virus maneuver: Stand up and curse the new virus for wiping out your hard drive and why you should never have clicked on that hoax message supposedly from your boss. Watch how your teammates react to your boss’s messages after that.
Setting the bar high: Bring a measuring tape and measure a corner of your cube. When asked why, say you are checking to see if your minibar will fit. Then watch your colleagues’ reactions.
Cube with a view: Put up a large poster of a beach resort in the Maldives on your cube wall/nearest window, so you’re visualising that dream vacation even while you work.
Form 5A: When asked about any of these, say you filled up Form 5A and got authorisation to do so. Till they figure out there is no such form, enjoy.
SPRUCE UP YOUR CUBICLE WITH THESE
1. USB FRIDGE: This Nano fridge is powered from the USB port and can hold a standard 330ml can for those times when you just need a cold drink!
Price: Missing
2. Roto Phone Charger: It’s the world first hand-powered mobile phone charger that starts charging the phone when the handle is rotated manually. It works on most phones.
Price: ₹350
3. InAnimate Stickers: Stick these stickers on your regular office accessories like a stapler, pencil holder, mouse, calculator etc., and add life to mundane objects.
Price: ₹320
4. Clone Doll: It’s thrilling to have a bobble-head doll that looks like you, isn’t it? The 6-8 inches tall statues are fully customised as per your choice and is a 3D caricature.
Price: ₹4,999
5. Recession Beer Glasses: These small 30ml beer glasses wouldn’t just be easy on your wallet, but also be easy to hide when the boss’s secretary suddenly shows up in your cubicle.
₹220
6. Kamasutra Coasters: A little bit of ‘sex’ in the cubicle wouldn’t harm anybody. It would just spice up the otherwise boring coffee from the vending machine. But if you have a female boss, avoid these at all costs.
₹225
7. Sandaas ashtray: That’s how we feel in a cubicle. Like shit! This nifty product can be used for several other purposes than it’s primary use, like for storing thumbnails and other handy stuff.
₹550
BEST WAYS TO WASTE YOUR TIME ONLINE
Play cubicle warfare: It’s so addictive that you can just go on and on destroying those blocks. Even British Prime Minister David Cameron admitted being addicted to this game.
Stick cricket: So what if our cricket team is on a losing spree, we are still a cricket-loving nation. This game is sheer entertainment.
5-second films: It’s not a code word. These five-second films are extremely funny and engaging. You’ll find tons of them on the web. What’s more, they don’t take ages to get loaded.
Facebook: Some employees are so glued to this social networking site that it seems like they are paid to be on Facebook. But then it’s fun to interact with that college hottie you lost track of.
Book test drives: It doesn’t matter if you have the money to buy a new car or not. You can always book a test drive online, and even go for it on the weekend.
THE GIRLS YOU SHOULD BE STALKING
1. The New Girl: She’s that fresh spark you had been waiting for to ignite your humdrum office life. Bonus points if she is placed near your cubicle, in which case, you’ll no longer crib about going to office everyday. Though now you’ll also have to be extra careful about how you look, dress and conduct yourself in the office. Beware though, because with time her freshness will wear off, but who cares since human resource department is always hiring fresh faces.
Filmi reference: Shazahn Padamsee-Ajay Devgn in Dil Toh Baccha Hai Ji
2. The Work Wife: She’s the one who always tags with you to office and the one you can lean on for advice, approval and overall validation. She eats your lunch, helps you with client meetings, chats with you when you are bored and is inquisitive about your partner. She is also the perfect reason for you to go to work everyday and miss her on weekends.
Filmi reference: Priyanka Chopra-Arbaz Khan in Fashion
3. The Power Crush: She’s the one who’s so ambitious that you would die if you ever see her in a grocery store. She doesn’t give a fuck what people have to say about her shrewd professional approach. She also doesn’t know your name and most likely you’ll never talk to her directly. Still, this hottie in a business suit is what encourages you to work harder and harder just so that someday she comes up to you and says, “Let’s meet over coffee.” She’s like an instant shot of nicotine.
Filmi reference: Bipasha Basu in Corporate
4. The Other Branch Girl: You shouldn’t depend too much on internal resources when it comes to spotting a new prey to flirt with. Hotties from other branches represent change that must be embraced to pep-up the otherwise boring life in a cubicle. When she’s around, be ready to stay back for late nights and help her in whatever manner possible. Get her a cup of coffee from the vending machine to break the ice when she’s in your cubicle to work on a presentation.
Filmi reference: Sonal Sehgal-Himesh Reshamiya in Damadamm!
THEIR CUBICLES ARE BETTER THAN OURS
Leo Burnett
Presented in 2006 at an annual furniture industry trade show in Chicago, the name of this cubicle concept is inspired by a 1970s Manhattan disco. It was an instant hit and the advertising agency Leo Burnett placed an order on the spot. It’s still in use there.
The best company to work with also flaunts one of the most interesting cubicles in the world. These cubicles were designed interviewing 350 employees of the Zurich office. The basic idea was to come up with cubicles that help people interact with the workplace.
War Cubicle
Mark MacAskill's ‘Cubes of War’ cubicle won the Lifehacker's Coolest Cubicle of 2008 contest. As Mark said when he submitted his cubicle, “The war on terror is second only to the war on boredom. And my cube was definitely boring before I transformed it into a weapon of mass destruction.”
Pixar
The makers of immensely popular animation films like Up, The Incredibles and Finding Nemo work in an equally exciting cubicle because the employees are free to design their own cubicles. Wish everyone else had this luxury too.
A3 Curvilinear Cubicle
Designed by Hani Rashid of Asymptote Architecture in New York, the A3 uses semitransparent screens with wide side openings that balance privacy with the desire for an open airy feel. The curvilinear shape is way different from the standard square cubicles.
Dilbert Ultimate Cubicle
It has wall modules for whiteboards, corkboards, tray shelves and drawers; a top row of lights that simulate the sun traveling around the cubicle throughout the day and a drop-down seat for visitors. Woah!
BOREDOM BEATING RECIPES
Sometimes a little food therapy can really change a dreary workday. So here are our picks for quick recipes…
Ingredients
- Cookies - 1 packet
- Orange marmalade - 1 cup
- Cashew nut – 10 gm
- Almonds – 10 gm
- Walnuts – 10 gm
- Raisins – 5 gm
- Cherries – 2 pcs
- Dates – 5 gm
- Butter – 50 gm
- Paneer – 60 gm
- Sugar – 50 gm
Method
1. Cut cashew nut, almonds, walnut, dates, cherries and raisins finely, and grate the paneer.
2. Sprinkle sugar over this mix.
3. Mix everything along with the marmalade in a bowl.
4. Place the mix between two cookies, store in fridge and serve chilled.
Ingredients
- Chopped Tomato - 4
- Chopped Mango (raw) - 1
- Chopped Onion - 1
- Sugar - 1 tsp
- Garlic - 2 pods
- Peppercorns - ½ tsp
- Chopped Coriander leaves - 10 gms
- Lime juice - ¼ cup
- Vinegar - 3 tsp
- Salt to taste
Method
Mix all chopped fruits and vegetables in a bowl.
Add salt, peppercorns, lime juice, vinegar and sugar.
Refrigerate for an hour and relish the fresh mango salsa.
Ingredients
- Roasted Puffed Cereals - 1 gm
- Crushed corn flakes - 50 gms
- Peanuts - 50 gms
- Green chillies 1-2
- Curry Leaves - 5
- Roasted Chana Dal - 50 gms
- Asafoetida - 1 gm
- Sugar to taste
- Salt to taste
- Lemon to taste
Method
Mix the roasted puffed cereals, crushed cornflakes and peanuts together.
Add green chillies, curry leaves and roasted chana dal and stir everything.
Add the asafetida, sugar, salt and lemon to taste and mix well.
Crispy healthy chivda is ready to eat.
Ingredients
- Bananas - 1
- Apple - 200 gms
- Orange - 200 gms
- Mango- 200 gms
- Green Grapes -100 gms
- Pomegranate seeds - 50 gms
- Cherries - 50 gms
- Guava - 1
- Sugar - 20 gms
- Lemon juice -10 gms
- Chat Masala – 5 gms
Method
Peel and cut all fruits and add banana and apple in the end to avoid browning.
Pour lemon juice immediately on fruits.
In a little water add honey and half melt it on heat.
Mix melted sugar to the fruits. Refrigerate it and serve the fruit salad chilled.
Add salt and chaat masala to taste and your fruit salad is ready to eat.
Ingredients
- Roasted whole peanuts – 100 gms
- Onion medium size – 1
- Tomato medium size – 1 (Pulp and seed removed)
- Coriander leaves – a few
- Green chillies – 2
- Lime juice – 1 teaspoon
- Salt – as per taste
Method
1. Fine chop onion, tomato, green chillies and coriander leaves, and put them in a deep bowl along with peanuts and lime juice.
2. Add salt as per your needs and mix vigorously with a spoon or fork.
3. Transfer into a plate and enjoy.
Lemon seduction (Mocktail)
Lemon juice - 25 ml
Honey - 1 tsp
Orange juice - 25 ml
Pinch of salt
Soda - 90 ml
Crushed ice
Iceberg Maple (Mocktail)
Watermelon juice - 60 ml
Melon syrup - 20 ml
Apple juice - 30 ml
Lemonade/lemon juice - to taste
Sweet lime slices for garnish
Skate on ice (Cocktail)
Apple juice - 30 ml
Blue Curaçao syrup - 20 ml
Lemonade - to taste
Lemon juice - 20 ml
Soda - 60 ml
From the April 2012 issue of FHM India.
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