If It’s Not a Yes, It’s a No: Dr. Mojo Answers

The Longer, the Better

I am a 30-year-old man. How long should the sex with my girlfriend last? What’s the average time that is considered a healthy duration?

Honey,till the time she throws you out. Ideally, vaginal sex or penetration can last anywhere from three to seven minutes, not taking into account the foreplay. Do not go by stereotypes of fantasy or aim to have sex all night. If you are satisfied, it is healthy.

– Pehel, Dehradun

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Dangerous Dreams

I had a dream about having sex with another woman. Am I gay or bisexual?

First of all there is no need to feel alarmed. Always remember that dreams do not define your sexual identity. If you are in a relationship with a guy and you are not getting enough intimacy , the longing in your subconscious is being translated into dreams. Women sometimes symbolize closeness and nurturance so you might be just missing out on that. Moreover, sexuality is a spectrum and you shouldn't be shocked or horrified to find yourself sometimes moving around in it.

– Neha Gill, Chennai

If It’s Not a Yes Then It’s Definitely a No

My girlfriend often gives confusing signals with respect to her consent. Should the conversation around consent change in a relationship?

Ofcourse ! Lots of dudes have justified forcing on women by saying that they got confusing signals. You are better than that. If it's confusing then it's not a green signal. Being in a relationship with someone doesn't give you the right to their body. Maybe you and your girlfriend haven’t been together long enough but there is always a beginning in every relationship. Dr Mojo advises you to have a proper sit down conversation about this issue so that you never misread any ‘sign’.

– Amarpreet, Delhi

Guessing Is No Good

I’ve been married to my husband for nearly 25 years and recently discovered photos of him dressed as a woman. What should I do?

If you are worried about your husband’s sexual identity then don’t fret because it is highly unlikely that he is gay. Cross-dressing is very common. Just because a man likes to dress up as a woman doesn’t mean he wants to be a woman. If you don’t want to beat about the bush, you should simply ask your husband about it . Who knows, your husband just wants to spice things up a bit ?

– Selvie, Bangalore

Careful What You Wish For

My significant other and I were watching porn together one day and she said she wondered how a threesome would actually work. How do I breach the topic for a serious discussion without risking her wrath ? And what do I do if she insists on getting another guy in the bed ?

Listen up young man, a threesome is not a joke. And though you are fantasising about two girls at the same time, you are setting a dangerous precedent. Your girlfriend can very well insist on two men as well. You need to have a rock solid relationship and a lot of faith in your partner to successfully navigate a threesome. Tread cautiously.

– Aviral, Mumbai

From the October 2020 issue of FHM India.