Keep the Fire Alive

No question is kinkier, weirder or bolder than Dr Mojo and he is here to help

I keep wanting to try some new stuff in bed, but my wife says she's happy just the way things are. How can I get her to be more adventurous without making it sound like I'm dissatisfied?

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Trying new things can be daunting especially for women as the risk of going wrong may have worse implications on her than you. However, this should not stop two people to give a shot to things at least once and then decide if you like it or not. An honest conversation can never hurt. If you explain properly about how satisfied you are with your current arrangement and still want to explore other areas, it is highly unlikely that will misunderstand you. But mind you, if she rejects it completely then there is no use pushing further. Inform her, educate her about adventurous stuff you want to try and see how she responds.

I want to know how to please my partner in bed, but they won't tell me. They say that if they have to tell me, it doesn't count. How can I get them to let me know?

Part of being an adult is accepting responsibility for your own sexual pleasure. Our bodies are all different, our pleasure triggers are different, our preferences are different. It's absurd to think that you could figure all of this out by intuition. Really satisfying sex is not easy. It's a learned response. It takes patience, practice, willingness to learn and, above all, communication. In whatever gentle way you can find, tell them that it's their job to tell you what their needs are, just as you'd hope they’d want to hear from you about what you desire. If they don't know what their needs are, encourage them to explore on their own or with you.

As we are being told to socially distance, what do you think it means to have safe sex during the pandemic?

At this time, the chances of infections are in addition to the already present risks of STD and unwanted pregnancy. It is important that you be mindful in ways you approach sex these days. We recommend to keep your one night stands with strangers on hold. If you have long term partners and you two happen to share a closed space then it covid might not have much to interfere with. However, play safe and be careful enough to get each other safe from outdoors. As the expansion of testing facilities have brought ease, you can easily get yourselves tested in event of symptoms or in event of travel.

I'm a middle aged man with a happy family and stable home. Although, lately I have been thinking a lot about my ex since the day I saw her on facebook. We had a nice casual chat but i think I started feeling for her again. I feel like I am mentally cheating my wife. How do I navigate this situation?

Digging the past has only broken havoc in people’s lives. By thinking about an old fame, you are only feeding your emotional cravings with fantasy. You yourself say that you have raised a family with your wife and that you love her dearly then think about what else could you ask more from life? There are chances that overthinking a suppressed issue in your current marriage is making you dwell on your love for an ex. In that case, you should give yourself time to figure out that problem and solve it. We always view our past with rose coloured glasses and hardly ever think about the bad things that happened. Think about the reason you and your ex couldn't make it work before. Besides, what makes you think that your ex is available for you now?

Why do men fall into the habit of becoming a "domesticated" guy? What can men do to combat the fact that a relationship has infringed on their individuality?

No healthy relationship alters your personality for the worse. Most people in happy relationships have said that being with their partner made them into a better person. However, when a toxic relationship might rip off individuality and a lot worse. It is essential to listen to your instincts and not get carried away in the name of love. Remember, you should be the person most loved by you and everyone else should come after you. Take healthy breaks from your partner to hang out with your friends, encourage your partner to do the same. Indulge in your favourite activities even if that doesn't interest your partner. Speak out about the things you do not approve of. In case of complications beyond your control, be wise enough to get out of it in time.

From the November 2020 issue of FHM India.