The Final Countdown: 9 Ways To Tell You’re Turning Into Your Dad
Falling asleep during stuff, buying comfortable shoes, standing at the back at gigs and laughing at cracker jokes: the signs you are turning into your dad.
9 You fall asleep during stuff
It’s a scientific fact that as you get older, it becomes more difficult to keep your eyes open at any given time. It starts when you begin nodding off during movies, but before you know it you’re grabbing 40 winks on the train to work and even casually trying to sneak in a quick bit of shut-eye during a particularly tender lovemaking session.
8 You spend half an hour just staring into space
Waiting for someone in the pub? In the olden days a trusty newspaper or smartphone would have seen you through those empty minutes quite nicely. But now, before you know it, half an hour has passed and all that you’ve done is stare deeply into your three-quarter-filled pint glass. To the casual observer you appear almost sage-like, wise, contemplative. The reality? Utter blankness.
7 You just bought a hobby tool kit
Sure, you’ve had that junior toolbox for a few years now. You’ve got a hammer and a screwdriver and even a complete do-at-home tool box, and you are completely obsessed with perfectly horizontal or vertical execution. Congratulations, you have now progressed to the next level of manhood.
6 You’ve started listening to classics
All your life, you have been a fan of tunes that push you to the dancefloor, but of late you have started listening to records that claim to calm you down, de-stress and bring you closer to God.
5 You purchase comfortable shoes
When you are a lad or in the dude mode, you will compromise on comfort, but certainly not on fashion. When you are turning into your dad, you will buy shoes that are at least comfortable.
4 Technology baffles you
You have changed your phones faster than the women in your life, and you have been proud about the fact that you are mostly technologically updated and people look up to your advice while buying gadgets and gizmos. But now, you feel that your iPad doesn’t need to be updated because every six months Apple comes up with a spruced up version of its existing line, and following the rush of technological advancement is a waste of time and money.
3 You stand at the back at gigs
Look, when you’ve forked out 50 bucks to stand a mere bottle’s throw from your favourite band, the last thing you want is to get caught up in some sweaty moshpit, soaked to the eyeballs in other people’s salty secretions. You can’t even see the bass player from there! And don’t even get started on those people who stand up to cheer a goal at the footy. They’re just ruining the view for everyone else...
2 You actually find Christmas cracker-style jokes funny
On which side do chickens have the most feathers? The outside. What do you call a man with brown paper trousers? Russell. Why would you invite a mushroom to a house party? He’s a fun guy to be with. If you laughed at any of these jokes, you’re on a slippery slope to Dadsville.
1 You look forward to not going out
The upside of a big night out is that you see your mates, have a laugh and occasionally kiss pretty girls. On the flipside, you’ll spend the next day battling nausea, hangover anxiety and the fact that you’ve spent all your money and there’s a week to payday. Much better to spend Saturday night making a nice rustic stew from the Jamie Oliver cookbook and watching vintage Baywatch. Bliss.
From the March 2013 issue of FHM India.
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