The Naked Truth

Birthdays have an uncanny knack of turning up every year like clockwork and trying to make you mend things that don’t need fixing. I celebrated mine last month and with it came to the realisation that my 20’s are moving faster than my date trying to unhook the strapless bra after 5 Patiala pegs. Yes, I get the irony in that statement, but when you’re surrounded by buxom busoms, it’s difficult to concentrate on anything but vanity. The slight of the lower back, the nape of the neck, the curve of a firm behind – I notice them as much as you do. A great body is a work of art and definitely meant to be admired. Now before you start wondering if I’ve started batting for the other team, let me snap you out of your juvenile daydreams and remind you that some women can appreciate another woman’s body. And I’m one of them.

I don’t see any reason why body love should be restricted to one’s own person. And my belief grows stronger when I read stats that say only 10% of women are totally happy with their bodies. That’s tragic. Especially for a country of curvaceous lissome ladies who can put the twig-like Twiggy to shame, as was also once noted in my male counterpart’s column on the death of the great Indian ass. I am of the curvy brood and conveniently very curious about the human anatomy, so with each passing year I take close notice of what’s heading where – I bounce around, make use of my peripheral vision, and bend and turn at odd angles in search of changes, which is when the two strategically placed mirrors in my wardrobe come handy – and you’ll be happy to know that everything is (thankfully!) holding up well.

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In the spirit of demystifying body issues, I asked some men if they ever did the same – stared at themselves naked and analysed – and the answer was a surprising, sheepish YES! Which then got me wondering why more women aren’t open about this stuff. We tend to judge ourselves too harshly because I don’t remember the last time any girl, or me for that matter, had a man leave the room after we undressed, citing our less than perfect thighs as a problem. I really can’t be bothered if the lights aren’t flattering enough or if a certain pose makes me look less appealing – men don’t, so why should we… Right boys?

I reckoned I knew the reason, so I dared my femme fatales to do a little experiment for the sake of my hypothesis. I’m telling you this in confidence, so you can use it with the lady in your life. Convince her to take a long hot shower and then afterwards, spend atleast half an hour exploring her own contours in front of a steamed up bathroom mirror. I’d bet you most of them would have never seen themselves that way before. And the added bonus is that the heated mood will eventually lead her hands to her G-spot and maybe she’d even discover some other hidden sweet spots that will only help your cause – since the clever ones from your lot know that it would be advantageous to be around when she’s done with this exercise.

But well, for all your embracing (read nonchalant) attitudes’ towards your own bodies, I also know men cringe at the sight or even the thought of appreciating another man’s brawns. I’ve never heard a man say – oh that guy’s abs are amazing or that gym buddy’s biceps is exactly what he wishes he had. Women on the other hand, will happily discuss, dissect, covet and even praise another female’s assets. Honestly, there are so many gorgeous bodies around that even I have “the list” of chicks I would happily change preferences for. And that’s pretty much cos’ I learned how to be happy in my own skin, thanks in part to guys who understand how dangerously beautiful curves can be.

All this when I’m still some time away from the age at which women are supposed to be the most body happy. Also the year researchers claim the female sex drive is at its peak. It’s 28 by the way, if you still haven’t figured. But I’m trying to be an exception to the rule – after all, why leave all the orgasms for one year.

From the November 2011 issue of FHM India.