10 Things Never To Say At Work
You could be just one ill-timed joke away from your Form 16. Ten things never to say at work – and how to go from bozo to big boss.
You could be just one ill-timed joke away from your Form 16. Follow these tips and go from bozo to big boss.
1. “Me? Nope, nothing to add…”
The worst thing to say in a work meeting? Nothing. Don’t be the type of person who has a great idea in a meeting, and doesn’t speak up. Also don’t let someone else make the same suggestion and get all the praise. Speak up!
2. “Check out this gross YouTube video!”
Don’t be the office shock jock. If the YouTube footage offends according to anti-discrimination law (on the basis of age, disability, race, religion and sexual orientation, for example) you’re exposing yourself to a discrimination or harassment charge.
3. “Are you on Facebook?”
Take care if you make the bold move of friend-ing your boss – you’ll have to change the way you use Facebook. An Apple employee was dismissed after posting unflattering comments about Apple products.
4. “And ANOTHER girl dumped me…”
Misuse self-deprecation and you just come across as pathetic. Joking about how you keep having ‘disastrous dates’ might bring in the laughs, but before you know it, they’re seeing the word ‘loser’ flashing above your head.
5. “I was off my tits last night”
This is like announcing that your colleagues are going to get zero value out of you. Buck up and get through the day with Ibuprofen and black coffee. Never spill the sordid details of a night out to your boss, even if you’re on friendly terms.
6. “Looking hot today, Brenda”
Making personal comments about how a female colleague looks could be taken as sexist. A cheerful, “Love the new haircut,” is okay, since it simply demonstrates that you’ve got eyes and pay attention. Anything cruder is not so cool.
7. “Look, I’m really busy right now”
It’s 2012. Who isn’t busy? The polite, professional response is to hear out the person pestering you. Listening shows that you’re a team player. When you say, ‘I’m insanely busy,’ your boss hears, ‘I can’t cope’.
8. “My last boss was a dick”
Slagging off your previous workplace is not a way to suck up to your current manager. Employers know that the way you talk about your old boss is likely to be the way you talk about your current boss, down the line. They’ll just think the problem is you, not your old company.
9. “That customer was such a knob”
Like it or not, customers matter, and this is something every boss is well aware of. And no, don’t think that it’s safe to mutter swearily to a co-worker on your level; you never know where they’ll be in two years’ time. Never let your frustration show.
10. “That’s not my job”
See also: That’s another department. These are words no boss wants to hear. It makes you look like an inflexible one-trick pony. Remember the golden rule: however busy you might be, your boss thinks they are 10 times busier.
From the September 2012 issue of FHM India.
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