Don’t be a pussy: a man’s guide to bulletproof confidence

Sweat-free job interviews!

Stephen Conway worked as a recruiter for some of the world’s biggest brands before setting up his own interview coaching business. Here, he shares his expert tips…

“People’s ability to ruin their chances of getting a job before they get to the interview room never fails to amaze me.

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“Sometimes it’s down to their CV – a graduate from a ‘top university’ recently sent me one that was littered with text speak (hint: when going for a job, it’s always “because” and never “bcoz”). Sometimes it is down to their clothing – one guy I interviewed walked in wearing a Mickey Mouse tie and socks (hint: if in doubt, play it safe). And sometimes, it is down to the way they treat the receptionist (hint: never, ever underestimate the power of the receptionist. Most recruiters will trust them and ask for their opinion on candidates. If it’s negative, then 95% of the time the person won’t get the job).

“Never claim something you can’t prove. For example, I once asked someone if they could drive. They replied ‘yes’, so I asked to see their licence. They had to admit they were only learning to drive. This wouldn’t have been a big deal. But the original lie was there.

“Other good tips are: wear a watch, because some interviewers genuinely believe not wearing one means you are a poor timekeeper. Keep your answers brief, clear and relevant. Be aware that recruiters always give the job to someone who they like, trust and believe will add value to the company. And last but not least, remember to put your trousers on. Okay, so that’s not a big issue in face-to-face interviews, but it has honestly happened during Skype interviews. One time, a candidate’s wife walked behind the camera wearing next to nothing. Another time, a candidate needed to go and get something, but didn’t seem to want to. Eventually, he had to admit that while he was wearing a suit on the top half, he didn’t have any trousers on. It was hilarious. But not good for his job prospects.”

Stephen Conway is managing director of Interview Experts (interviewexperts.co.uk)

Get the perfect handshake!

A study by researchers at the University of Illinois revealed just how important handshakes are to making a good impression on strangers. Here’s what they discovered…

1. Start early. Reaching for the other person makes you seem confident. So as you’re approaching them, put your hand out early.

2. Avoid finger-grabbing. Scoop the other person’s hand up for full palm-to-palm contact; it makes you appear open and honest.

3. Know your role. Every handshake has – at a very subtle level – a leader and a follower. If you want the other person to feel flattered, wait for them to apply pressure.

Overcome your fears!

Danny Cadamarteri, 34, made his Everton debut aged 17 and remains the youngest-ever scorer in the Merseyside derby

“Any footballer who claims he wasn’t scared when he made his first team debut is lying. I was extremely anxious about the idea of playing for Everton in a Premier League game. I was just 17, and it was against Chelsea. I remember I came on as a second-half substitute and played pretty well. The next time they played me was against Barnsley, my first start, and I felt even more confident. That was the game where I scored, and the moment the boss told me I was going to start the next match was the moment I felt like I belonged. The next match was of course the Merseyside derby.

Everton versus Liverpool is the biggest game of the season. The build up was intense and the noise from the stands when I walked onto the pitch was deafening. I was so nervous before kick-off. Especially when I realised I was facing off against Liverpool centre back Neil Ruddock – one of football’s hardmen. Sensing my apprehension, my fellow striker Duncan Ferguson came over and said, ‘Stay away from the big boys, run onto my flick-ons and let me take care of everything else.’

“The fact Big Dunc was going to be my protector calmed me down and helped me remember that I had just turned 18. In other words, I shouldn’t really have a care in the world.

“In the 75th minute, I robbed Liverpool defender Bjørn Tore Kvarme and headed for the box. I saw Neil coming over and shifted the ball to one side. Suddenly the goal opened up and I had a chance to seal a 2-0 win. It was daunting, but I stayed calm, told myself to ‘be confident and hit it hard and low’ and hammered the ball into the corner of the net. It was an incredible feeling.”

Danny is a coach at the Sheffield Wednesday Academy and one of the brains behind The Soccer Akidemy, which runs football training sessions for kids (thesoccerakidemy.co.uk)

Talk like a DJ!

Radio 1 DJ Matt Edmondson explains how he made the transition from short, scripted television programmes to unscripted three-hour radio shows

“Terrified would be the best way of putting it. There was a week to go before my first Radio 1 show and I was petrified, because I had never done one before. Fortunately, I knew that most people’s anxiety about speaking in public revolves around the first few words, so if you can get past these you tend to be well on your way to a successful conversation, speech or, in my case, radio slot. With this in mind, I practiced my first link over and over again. It was only 20 seconds long, which was nothing given the show lasted three hours, but I knew that if I could nail it, then the rest would take care of itself.

“When it comes to actually talking to people: cut the crap. Most people have built-in bullshitometers. People who admit they know nothing and ask interesting questions tend to get interesting answers. Listen to what people are saying – as opposed to frantically worrying about the next topic of conversation.”

Listen to Matt Edmondson on BBC Radio 1, weekends, 10am-1pm

Stick it to the man!

In 1997, BBC war correspondent Martin Bell, sick of political corruption, quit his job and stood for election as an independent MP – something no one had done since 1951

“Things can happen pretty quickly when you decide to take a stand against the system. I know this because, back in 1997, there were only 24 days between the moment I quit my job at the BBC and the moment I overturned a Conservative majority to become the new independent MP for Tatton.

“When I began my campaign to unseat sleaze-linked Conservative MP Neil Hamilton, I had very little idea about the mechanics of politics and even less optimism about my chances of success. But what I did have was confidence. I was confident that my career in TV would allow me to come across well. I was confident that I was right to take a stand against corruption. And, thanks to my experience of reporting from war zones, I was confident that I could handle whatever flak came my way.

“A lot of flak did come my way. I was heavily criticised by my ex-BBC colleagues and branded ‘totally unsuited to politics’ by Neil Hamilton. And, during one unpleasant debate on Knutsford Heath, I was torn to shreds by Hamilton’s wife, Christine. So why did I open myself up to this abuse? I did it because I needed a new challenge and wanted to make a stand.

The next 24 days are a bit of a blur, but I do remember realising the importance of confidence and enjoying the looks on the faces of Hamilton’s campaign team towards the end of polling day. Their expressions said ‘you’ve got us’ and sure enough I had, winning with a majority of over 11,000. This victory meant I became the first independent MP to sit in the House of Commons for 46 years. I was independent and I didn’t have to kowtow to a party whip, so had the freedom to say how I felt on every issue and hold any MP I wanted to account. I did just that. My most memorable moment was when I took on PM Tony Blair over his decision to change the government policy on tobacco advertising at Formula 1 tracks shortly after Formula 1 boss Bernie Ecclestone had donated £1 million to the Labour party. That made me rather unpopular in the House, but I didn’t care. I hadn’t got into politics to make friends. I’d got into it to make a difference. And, thanks to having the confidence to make a stand, I managed to do just that.”

Martin’s book of poems For Whom the Bell Tolls is out now, published by Icon Books

Speak without fear!

American entrepreneur James Altucher reveals his tips to make a good impression when public speaking. Here’s his top three…

1. Start with a joke. Cracking a joke in the opening few minutes of your speech is a must. Making people laugh should ease them into your speech.

2. Tell stories. Don’t be afraid to occasionally throw in an anecdote. You want to keep people entertained and this is a good way for them to get to know you.

3. Pause. The best way for people to take in what you’re saying is by pausing every so often. It avoids the impression that you’re rushing through it.

Make a huge decision!

Last year, Hannah Rhodes, 31, quit her job to launch her own craft beer, Hiver Beer

“It’s one thing having a great idea. It’s another thing entirely having the guts to act on it. I know this, because I’ve had lots of business ideas in the past and deep down I never felt brave enough to put my savings behind any of them.

Which was why, two years ago, I found myself working in sales and marketing. It was nice enough, but it didn’t particularly excite or inspire me. Then one day, I went to an introduction to bees and beekeeping course and had what my stomach instantly told me was ‘the idea’. I was going to produce a honey beer.

“This really was a dream opportunity because it combined two things I was very passionate about – beer and bees. But it was also a big step that involved leaving my comfortable job and life behind. People often ask how I plucked up the courage to do this. I gained self-confidence firstly by brewing some trial bottles and testing the product at focus groups. And secondly, I gained the guts to make the big leap by speaking to my friends and family (they all said go for it) and asking myself one question: what would I regret more – trying and failing or not giving it a shot?

“The answer was not giving it a shot. I handed in my notice, invested my savings, racked up some credit card debt and began turning Hiver Beer into a reality. It was tough at first, and I wasn’t able to pay myself a wage for the first nine months, but I kept presenting the beer with confidence and soon suppliers began to take me seriously.

“After a few months, I started being listed in pubs, hotels and stores like Selfridges, who really bought into the quality and story behind my beer. But my big breakthrough came when a confident pitch enabled me to win Ocado’s Dragons’ Den-style ‘Britain’s Next Top Supplier’ competition this March. I’m sure there are challenges ahead, but my experience shows that you can achieve an awful lot if you have the confidence to make a huge decision.”

For more information on Hiver, visit hiverbeers.com

Become your own boss!

Setting up a new business can be daunting. Here’s three tips from Dragons’ Den’s James Caan for striking out on your own…

1. Create simple ideas. Your idea doesn’t have to change the world. The best businesses are built on ideas that are simply clever tweaks on existing products.

2. Determination is key. Ask yourself if you’ve got the DNA of a strong-willed entrepreneur. Is setting up your own business something that you really want? You’ll need confidence to go out there on your own.

3. Share your idea. Don’t be paranoid and keep it locked away. Tell as many people as you can about your idea to spread the word, which will hopefully attract investors.

Extract taken from James’s book, Start Your Business In 7 Days (Portfolio Penguin), which is out now

Talk to a hot girl!

Former model and dating expert Kezia Noble tells us how a normal schmo can drum up the confidence to talk to any girl

“Men often suffer from the ‘dazzle’ effect of a beautiful woman. In order to create a multitude of excuses to not go and speak to her, they’ll convince themselves that either the stunning woman is out of their league or difficult to impress.

“Consequently, most men will let the opportunity pass them by. All that is needed here, is a little ‘mind management’. Next time you feel that ‘dazzle effect’ take a mental step back, and try to find two things about the stunning girl that aren’t quite perfect. It could be anything from her posture to the way she’s chewing her gum.

Don’t worry; you don’t have to tell her any of this. The important thing is that by forcing yourself to stop seeing her as ‘perfect’, you’ll stop your mindset from being needy. This technique will take that sting out of the initial anxiety, and will help you get things in perspective and will produce a more confident mindset.”

Kezia is the author of The Art of Seducing Women, available to buy at kezianoble.com

Learn to lie!

No word of a lie: here’s a list of things that the best fibbers do to maximise their effectiveness

1. Tell the truth (sort of…). It’s hard for someone to catch you out when your lie is actually based on truth. You’re still telling the facts, just leaving out the important bits.

2. It’s all in the detail. You’re less likely to get caught out if you’ve thought of the details of your backstory. The best liars are the ones who have worked out their story, instead of blagging their way through.

3. Keep focussed. Restrain from fidgeting, breaking eye contact and stuttering as that can easily and almost instantly give your game up. Keep a poker face and avoid giving it all away in your facial expressions.

From the January–February 2015 issue of FHM India.